Warrant – Drinking, Shooting Pool…and Weddings

Reading a recent report about former Warrant lead singer Jani Lane being jailed in the US for drink driving reminded me of an event from happier times for the “Cherry Pie” singer.

Now for those who have forgotten Warrant were among the best or worst of the hair metal bands of the 80’s, depending how you looked at it.

They were signed in the wake of Appetite For Destruction in an era when big hair, a swag of tattoo’s (do tattoo’s come in ‘swags’?) and a couple of half decent big metal anthems, ideally including a ballad, were all you needed to get a record contract.

At the time of this story Warrant were flying. Their album Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinkin’ Rich had been a reasonable hit, but then the follow-up Cherry Pie had broken them in a big way. That was largely based on the title track, a mischievous commercial rock song that was promoted with a cheeky video that featured a voluptuous blonde and various strategically located pies.

Warrant were on the Sony label in Australia as was former Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs and Sony’s Victorian office had a comfort level with bringing their visiting overseas artists into the South Yarra Saloon. As regular readers of this section might recall, the Saloon was a venue of which I was a proud part owner.

So it came to pass that one mid week evening both Warrant and Susanna where guests of the Saloon for dinner and drinks. Well, Susanna came for dinner – Jani and his bandmates were there for the drinks. It was a riotous gathering from the outset and Susanna fairly quickly opted out leaving the metal heads to their own devices.

As was frequently the case at the Saloon, the pool tables were the centre of attention and somehow Jani and I became partners in doubles pool. We were good, I was a fair player to begin with and Jani had clearly, absolutely done the mis-spent youth thing and we started off well.

Now something needs to be established right at the start. We were nothing short of pole-axed. The drinks were flowing, the pool games were being played and as the night wore on it was difficult to keep track of who we were playing, whether we were stripes or solids and even what day it was.

Somewhere along the way we had instigated a policy of $50 per corner, which meant that each match was worth $100 to the winning team. This did two things – it meant that a big audience started to gather as our winning streak started and grew and secondly it made every team we beat kinda irate because we were winning their money whilst barely able to stand up. Jani wasn’t exactly humble in victory either.

Oh, there was possibly another reason for the big audience. Not only was I playing with a drunken, loud, slightly obnoxious rock star I’ve neglected to mention that he was accompanied by his girlfriend. You guessed it – none other than the “Cherry Pie” girl, whose name was Bobbie Brown. Now Bobbie was no shrinking violet, she was a former Louisiana beauty pageant winner who had immersed herself in the world of hair metal – a combination that was never going to put her on the path to a career in nuclear physics. Even though the Saloon was known for hosting its fair representation of the fairer gender Bobbie was guaranteed to be an audience favorite.

As the night wore on and our winnings piled up the details start to get vaguer. However I do remember one particular moment. Bobbie accosted me at one point while Jani was clearly the table and announced, “You’re Jani’s best friend in Australia”.

Upon reflection, at that moment in time it was probably true – I was also most probably Jani’s only friend in Australia.

But obviously that status, however dubiously attained, meant something to Bobbie.

“Because your Jani’s best friend in Australia, you have to come to our wedding”, she added.

OK.

I seem to remember establishing that the happy event was scheduled to take place a few months later in Los Angeles and that it promised to be one of the most obscenely tasteless gatherings of hair-rock royalty that could be imagined. It sounded, well, like a lot of fun actually.

The invitation was repeated several times as the night went on and when Bobbie advised Jani of the addition to their guest list he either didn’t comprehend or didn’t seem to care.

It looked like I was going to Jani and Bobbie’s wedding.

Weird.

Eventually all good things must come to an end and somehow the record company people managed to pour Jani, Bobbie and co into a Tarago and send them home to the hotel. I managed to pour myself into a cab and stumble into bed with a handful of fifties in my pocket.

The next night was the official album launch/media party/piss up for the band – as opposed to the unofficial event from the night before. I didn’t feel like another drink but in deference to my new best friend I thought I had better make an appearance. The party was at the Grainstore Tavern in King St.

I arrived a little late and when I did I was attacked by Sony state manager Peter Caswell. Cas was generally unflappable and had pretty much seen and done it all, but he was in a bit of a state.

“Mate, thank god you are here”, he said (pre-dating the tv show of the same name by about 20 years). “You’ve got to help me”.

In turned out that Jani didn’t like the party and was trying to leave. Apparently he wanted to go to the Saloon, play pool, drink, play pool, drink and “see all my friends there”.

This didn’t exactly suit Sony which had gathered the media and music retailers at one venue only to find the lead singer of the band wanted to be at another venue.

Cas’s idea was that I should go and talk to him, convince him that he should stay at least long enough to shake some hands, pose for some photos and listen to some speeches and then he would be free to accompany me back to my venue for another night of brutal drinking and pool.
The only problem was that I felt like I had been beaten over the head with a pool cue.

Duty called though.

I was ushered over to Jani and Bobbie and he quickly declared he was leaving with me. It looked for a moment that my arrival was going to have completely the opposite effect to that desired. Rather than convincing him to stay he saw me as his direct ticket out of there.

I managed to talk him into staying long enough to do his record company bidding. I vaguely remember saying something about the Saloon not getting going until later and he may as well take the path of least resistance. Whatever I said worked but I did  find myself in the bizarre situation of actually being on stage with Jani and Bobbie as they were introduced to crowd and have him refer to me as his “Aussie mate” in his thank you speech.

It was all a little bit strange.

We did go back to the Saloon but the magic was gone. We obviously played pool better when drunk than hungover and when push came to shove we simply weren’t capable of another night on the turps like the one before. Bobbie did make sure she had all my details for the official wedding invitation before she left.

Of course the invitation never did arrive.

Jani and Bobbie got married (without me!) but by 1994 they were divorced. Apparently Bobbie is currently working on writing a book called Serial Rock Dater: Sex, Drugs, and Cherry Pie. She was a nice girl.

Jani made another album with Warrant and went on to make a solo album and have a couple more marriages before he started having some major alcohol issues.

This came to a head in recent years.

Earlier this year Jani Lane pled no contest to DUI stemming from his most recent arrest back in May — and has been ordered to serve 120 days in jail. In addition, Lane will lose his license for three years and will have to complete a 30-month alcohol-education program.

Jani is scheduled to surrender on July 27.

LAPD arrested Lane in Woodland Hills, California on May 9 after the black Infiniti sedan he was driving allegedly hit a parked car.

Reprtedly Lane blew more than twice the legal limit of .08 when officers gave him a breathalyzer test at the police station.

Back in February 2010, a warrant was issued for Jani Lane after he failed to show up to two court appearances connected to his 2009 DUI conviction.

Lane was scheduled to appear in court on February 23 to show the judge he’s completed his alcohol classes and community service — but he never showed.

The court date was rescheduled for February 24… but Lane missed that one as well.

It’s a shame to see what’s happened to him. Obviously he was far from the greatest rock n’ roller I got to meet and the whole Jani and Bobbie scene was  as stupid as it was funny, but I reckon that underneath all the show and heavy metal posturing he was a good bloke. I hope he’s able to get it together before he becomes another victim.